2004-11-11 - 12:56 a.m.

listening to U2. "beautiful day," same song i was listening to the morning of september 11, probably right as that first plane was crashing. was in the hospital that day, recovering from an operation that fused two of my vertebre together. had a similar one this past summer. but i am doing as i always to, speaking of the past and forgetting the present.
today i awoke to some very bright sunlight, my favorite thing to sleep in because it is so warm, and seems so clean coming through the glass. i slept like that, in the sun, with my arm over my eyes, until almost two in the afternoon. monday's beer bottles were still all over the house, including the one on my window sill that i took to bed with me. jay was in the living room, in her corner, doing school work. daniel came in the door, wearing his winter coat, bringing in air that smelled like snow, handing jay a book he picked up for her. i had an urge to snatch the book away from her, to read it myself, to do whatever assignment went with it and let daniel sign his name on it, or jay, just to prove i could. but i didnt. i played "puff the magic dragon" on the mystery guitar that turned up in the house over the weekend. its the only song i know how to play. if i thought about it a little bit, i could probably play anything i wanted. but i still have this fear of playing music, so for now ill just play puff, just for the fun of it.
i was invited to hang out with an old friend on friday. i said i would go. somehow i feel like i wont go. but i will.

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