2004-11-17 - 2:52 a.m.

ive been having so many freaky dreams lately, i dotn even knwo which ones to write about. how about none of them? ill settle for that.
i dotn know how to start this one, so ill just come out and say it: i saw winnie this weekend. she's a girl i thought i was in love with, three years ago, and havent seen since. i went to a party at her house. she invited me over randomly. also her boyfriend was out of town. she's invited me over now and then before, under the pretense that i should meet her boyfriend, that we would get along. needless to say, i really dont want to meet him, seeing how he did kind of replace me.
winnie lives in a little townhouse in the city, her room is on the third floor. the party wasnt ultra crazy but i ended up getting drunk anyway. and, for any of you reading this who have never been drunk with me, i cant walk when im drunk. not at all. and sometimes im so drunk i dont remember that fact. so, basically, i made a huge fool of myself, right in front of this girl who i seem to still be in love with. and ive got a huge bruise on my side because i tried to slide down the banister (i cant do that either) and went right over the edge of it. like an idiot. and she just felt sorry for me, all sympathetic and helpful. after that i sobered up a bit.
i kept trying not to think of the scene i made the whole time we talked. she missed me. she says its not right that we've been apart for so long. she says her boyfriend is jealous of me, from pictures he's seen and things she says. he's jealous of me? still? after three years? of things that happened before she even met him? so what does this mean then? she's still talking about me now and then? after three years, and saying stuff that would make a guy jealous? i still dont want to meet him.
she went on and on about all the things she liked about me three years ago, how i was so fascinating and interesting and blah blah blah, and i just wanted to say, winnie, if i was so great, why did you look for someone else? and if im so great, what make s this guy so much better than me? but i didnt, i didnt want to spoil the moment/entire evening.
and this will never happen again. her boyfriend was out of town. thats the only reason i went over there. next time he'll be there, and at the end of the night, when im drunk off my ass, i wont go up to her room to talk all night and fantasize about fooling around, he'll be going to her room and ill be taking a cab home.

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