2004-12-15 - 8:12 p.m.

listening to jay playing "o holy night" on the mystery guitar
-and she sings pretty well, too. funny, she always said she didnt. yes, ive had some dreams lately. same old same old. i dreamed i was running down the corso in rome with a bunch of friends, and a bus was chasing us. i dreamed i was someone else making love to me. i dreamed i got accepted into some prestigous school and studied a lot in my room. whatever. dreams are dreams, arent they?
ive seen quite a bit of winnie since i said i never wanted to see her again. i called her up and invited her to the barnes museum with me. she said yes. after looking at all that renior and cezanne and soutine, we wandered around the resovior and then ate salad and drank champagne in a restaurant. i was careful not to get drunk ;)
then winnie crashed her boyfriends car on the expressway, and miraculously walked away without a scratch, thank god. her mom drove her all the way up here and took us christmas shopping at king of prussia and totally bought us sushi, who's mom is that cool? i actually bought something for winnie for christmas three years ago but never gave it to her, becuase by that time i was in africa and she wasnt speaking to me anyway.
her mom dropped me off at winnie's apartment and i spent the night. in winnie's bed with her. again. no, we didnt do anything. but i was crying on the train ride home the next morning. she invited me over last weekend and said her boyfriend would be there, and that he wants to meet me, and not to tell him i slept in her bed, and not to tell him we drank a bottle of champagne together and walked around the resoviour, cause thats HIS thing to do with her and he would not be comfotable knowing i was in her bed. not that he doesnt trust her, but he doesnt trust me.
i was like, so you want me to LIE? to someone youre supposed to LOVE?
geeze winnie, if you knew these things would have upset him, why did we do them in the first place?
and really, why do i even bother with you? all you do is depress me. and i hope you read that.
needless to say i havent talked to her since.
here is something odd. my mother thinks she might give me a car for christmas. havent spoken to her in like a month. havent seen her in like six. every time we talk, we fight. but she says she has a car she wants to give to me, if i want it. what to make of that? and what would i do with a car anyway?
i mean, besides drive it. id have to get my license again. i dont even know if i rememver how to drive. prolly i dont. its been what, four years? and how would i pay for insurance, since i dont have a job? and since im intendind to actually attend school, for a purpose this time (right, didnt mention that did i?) i wont be having a job in the near future, how will i afford insurance?
with my luck, and considering my neighborhood, someone woudl steal it anyway.
so, i guess im going home for christmas. for the first time in two years. i hate going home. not like the song, "ill be home for christmas." i could care less that its christmas time. i was going to go to a movie and eat chinese with daniel. he's jewish, he doesnt care about christmas either. and he has no family, really, so he basically doesnt do any holidays.
funny how i dont call my EOL house my home tho, isnt it?

previous - next