2005-04-19 - 2:37 a.m.

lets see... no freaky dreams to report tonight... live journal stopped working for a bit and i did kinda forget about it for a while. but i remember it now, so there!
i feel really lonely tonight. jay and daniel went out together and didnt invite me, sigh, that happens sometimes i guess. my semester is almost over and im not failing anything, yay for me, and i think i might actually have a job for this summer. its been a while since i could work, and then when school started i decided not to try to get a job right away so i wouldnt have an excuse not to get my stuff done. but ive long since run out of money and im tired of eating ramen noodles.
i love this time of year. i love waking up with my windows open... actually i love sleeping with the windows open and feeling the chilly nighttime air so i can snuggle under my blankets, and then feeling the air warm up and waking up to the sun streaming in the windows all over the bed, it makes me want to get up in the morning. i love how it no longer gets dark at five pm and the whole city seems like a better place then the dark cold world it was... i know its all an illusion, this neighborhood is no safer in the daytime than it is in the dark, but it feels so much better.
so how are things, lara, other than the weather? im fine, thank you, ive become a little obsessed with cleaning the house, which is weird, because usually im pretty messy, but ive realized that its a form of procrastination. nope, cant do any homework yet, there is some dust on the tv screen. for a while, i was totally unable to sleep, which was making me crazy and cranky, but i gave in and started taking something to help me sleep, and it totally works, and i dont feel like a druggie, i just feel like someone who sleeps a decent amoun every night. so thats good i guess.
how is the household, btw? i have a feeling that daniel and jay have started a "we despise living with lara" club cause theyre always like, ok, we're going out now, bye, instead of hey, we're going out, want to come? honestly tho, i cant blame then entirely. i am never easy to live with, especially recently. but daniel is graduating this year, and he's prolly going to get a job or something and move the hell out of this crappy neighborhood, and leave me and jay to find someone else to live with, or somewhere else to live. i dont know if i will be able to find a room mate that will actually want to share a room with me. daniel was/is a special exception, and besides we never sleep at the same time anyway, so its not like we really feel like we're sharing. jay would never share her room. one, its way small, and two, she just would never do that. jay was supposed to graduate this semester too, and i really think she isnt going to. apparently the whole time ive been all kinds of messed up this winter, so has she, only i managed to save my ass in all my classes, and she hasnt even tried. i cant beleive i really didnt notice how much trouble she was having, i really feel like an ass now. for a lot of things ive done and said these past months, really. making jay my acomplice in staying up all night drinking and then going to class still drunk in the morning is just one of those things. now that i think back, i never saw her do any school work, and i know she skipped about half her classes every week. im the one who would actually go to class still drunk. she just stayed home. she went online all the time, and then would get drunk with me, and we would watch cartoons, and she would bitch about how she wanted a boyfriend. and i would bitch about how i wanted a girlfriend. and we would enthusiastically declare that we would NEVER hook up with eachother.
apparently all this time she's been seeing the school counselor. i guess she was depressed. dunno how much that helped.
i dont even want to talk about winnie. so i wont. so there.
im writing a book. did i mention that i wonder? its another thing to do instead of school work really. thats about it though, in my life. nothing exciting other than the usual neigborhood escapades, someone at the end of the block stole a firetruck. it was on the six o clock news. i love this city.
the end

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