2005-06-02 - 10:44 p.m.

i loved you in the morning
your kisses deep and warm
your hair was on the pillow
like a sleepy golden storm
many loved before us
i know that we are not new
in sickness and in sorrow
i cried for me and you
but lets not talk of love or hate
or things we can't untie
hey, that's no way to say goodbye

-i heart leonard, dont you?

I got a loud resounding lecture from daniel yesterday morning. and i was real pissed about it, he was sounding like my mom or something. he pulled the whole, this is my house, you do what i say crap, because he's the one that rents this place. technically that is true. he could kick me out if he wanted. but being that we're best friends, thats not supposed to happen.
I guess the night before i got really drunk and angry, and yelled and stormed out of the house when we had a bunch of people over. We were kind of having a party. That happens a lot, we're the EOL spot to be, after all. A couple different people came out after me to see if i was ok but i didnt want to talk to anyone and yelled at them to leave me alone. I guess i yelled too loud cause someone called the cops on us, but by then i was several blocks away. Nothing happened, no one underage was drinking at the house or anything, although im a freakin idiot for walking off alone in the middle of the night. i never do stuff like that, its dangerous as anything. but i was mad.
and what i was mad about doesnt even make sense anymore.
basically daniel just said he's sick of me feeling sorry for myself and i need to grow up and act my age.
i dont think everything he said was fair really. Daniel's like five years older than i am, of course i am going to seem immature compared to his old and worldly self. and i thought things were going really well. i have a job, like a regular day job, i love it and said job loves me. i have a normal income, im not trying to scam anyone for money. im making a serious effort to get along with my parents. im making a serious effort to get over winnie. im making a serious effort not to drink too much or take too many pills.
i guess its that last one im less than successful with, seeing how the lecture was over how dare i get so drunk and be so irritating/ irresponsible.
...
i think. and i hate to say this, but i think its true. i think living with me is less than good for him. apparently, im a mess and impossible to deal with. (though i thought i was doing ok) i guess i make him unhappy.
...
i feel like EOL only has room for one of us.

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