2005-06-06 - 9:31 p.m.

one day you'll find that i have gone, for tomorrow may rain so ill follow the sun

there was a crazy lightning storm going on outside, but its settling down now. it was amazing. i wish it would do that every night.
this morning i was goofing off with daniel and jay in the living room, like we used to do back in the day, five years ago or so. by "goofing off" i mean playing what we've termed "wrestlemania."
SORRY BUT YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE SUBJECTED TO REMENISCENCE :)
Back in the day, in the golden year of East Oak Lane, the year i moved the hell out of my parents house and into this... er, hellhole... seriously. I dont know anyone who grew up in this neighborhood who isnt trying to get out of it. most people dont choose to move here. but, i thought it was exciting at the time. so, i was naive. i admit it. lets move on from that, shall we? ahh, how lively this house was... There was Bethany, whith whom i had an affair, there was Allison and Jill, who were having an affair with eachother with Bethany's boyfriend occasionally joining in as a third party, and then of course there were jay and daniel. That was when we rented both floors of the house. and, when we were bored, we would horse around in the middle of the floor, trying to pin eachother down. even me, and im not half bad at it, if i do say so myself. I can hold my own in a wrestlemania match, thankyouverymuch. ahh, the old days.
so anyway. we played that this morning. it was great fun. nice change from all the real fighting thats been going on amongst us. after it all wound down jay pulled me down on her lap on the couch and we discussed how daniel has been acting an ass lately. apparently he takes issue with stuff she does too. it was cool, jay is always such a non-touch person. i think having a boyfriend is good for her. it was a nice talk. had a nice talk with daniel too. but it just strenghtened my resolve to find a new place to live. ive been fantasizing all week about just packing all my stuff into the car (and it woudl all fit, too. its not a big car, but i dont have a lot of stuff) and taking off. ive always wanted to road trip, and there really isnt anything stopping me anymore.
i have these beautiful visions of myself sitting on the hood of my car in the middle of nowhere, some tiny little road in the middle of a huge field somewhere ive never been, and im writing deep things in my journal or something. i have to keep reminding myslef that i know from experience that taking off by myself is lonely as hell, and all the memorable things ive ever done in my life involved other people. too bad i cant manage to get along with other people for long, eh?
and to top it all off, theres a girl. KRISSY her name is. she's a bartender. and a med student. she just started working at this bar i often frequent. and i know, bartenders break hearts like its their job, everyone says it and im sure its true, theyre nice to ya so you tip em and come back for more. but she invited me out with her to an afterhours bar and i accepted. a date, was it? not really. she was just meeting friends there, and invited me along. so i met her friends. they were very nice to me, i guess. I tried not to let myself get too hung up on her, after all, she's prolly just a friendly girl who was being... friendly, and i need friends, of course. but also... i did see her kiss one of her friends on the lips after they had both downed several shots. so maybe...
see. this is how i ruin friendships. i just fall in love with anyone who treats me like i belong.
we hung out several times after that too. and she's lookin for a room mate.

lara, dont go down this road again...

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