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2005-07-26 - 7:55 p.m. If you want better things -Rilo Kiley Coming to you live from (drumroll please) RYDAL AVE! Whats that Lara? You say you are not sitting there in front of your computer typing your life's gripes from East Oak Lane? No, Lara, I'm not! But Lara, you said you were going to Lancaster? Ha ha. I'm doing what i do best, ya know? Charming people with my winning personality into letting me crash on their floor. I packed everything i could fit into my car and drove back to lancaster and dropped it off at my mom's house. She's not there, though, she's in the hospital. She was supposed to be coming home in two more weeks but now supposedly she's not coming home until september. this is cause for concern, but that doesnt change how much i hate lancaster, and how much my mother and i dont get along. i sound like a horrible daughter, i know. she's really sick. but the last two times i was in the hospital, i dont think she even knew, and i know she didnt care. and so now im staying in a friends apartment temporarily. he kicked his two roomates out. he replaced them but they arent coming until the new semester starts next month. so ive got a spot for a little while at least. and cause im still in philly, that means i can still see KRISSY who i went out with last friday... eventually, when my mom comes home from the hospital, i am going to go stay with her. i either am incredibly guilty feeling or i am incredibly nice or i dunno. she is my mom. and i am really worried about her. but at the same time, i am worried that when i leave for lancaster, KRISSY is going to meet someone more exciting than me and then when i come back, we wont go out the way we do now anymore. We went to a bar on Friday where they played really loud music for a while, which basically meant that if we wanted to say anything to eachother we had to breathe into eachothers ears. it was totally her scheme, even tho it seems like something i would think up. in other words, i dont feel like i have to manipulate her into letting me flirt with her. SHE IS FLIRTING WITH ME ON HER OWN. I always end up with a thing for girls who dont actually go for girls (or are convinced they dont go for girls only when theyre sober) but Krissy is a self proclaimed lesbian and no manipulation is needed! meaning, i dont feel like a slimeball after a date and i dont have to call it a "date" in quotes. theyre real honest to god dates. This girl maybe kinda does like me back. and oh do i ever like her. we were sitting at a bar table (after the loud loud music was over) and i watched her dance with this guy for this one song that she loves and then she came back and actually asked me if it really sucks not being able to dance. i dont think anyone's ever asked me that so bluntly. so i sighed and said, yes, i suppose it does suck. then i got this silly grin and started musing about how if i could dance i would scheme a way for all the hot girls in the bar to dance with me. and then another bummer of a sigh. and then she sits down and is like, well, then obviously you need a shot! she bought me a shot and told me i was cute. i think i might have this smile that is cute when im trying to get someone to like me. or at least she thinks its cute. XXXXXX never told me i was cute i dont think. XXXXXX prolly just felt sorry for me this whole time. shudder at the thought. all i want to do is forget about XXXXXX but i cant help but compare them. bah. if you want better things go ahead and have them.
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